Emotional Diahrea cleansing the issues that plaque the psyche. Hmm interesting start..lol. Well my abscence is again justified in my opinion.. I know I always say that justification is a means of conteracting a previous action or statement....but not in this case..

The past couple weeks seem to have been an emotional roller coaster for me. With Veterans day, connecting with a nephew I have not seen nor spoken with in  over ten years, finding out I had missed and was not even informed (nor invited) that my neice had gotten married, has had a child and also has a step child... Seems the family dynamics and communication gap has grown substantially over the years.Anyway thats a seperate issue...

I have never been much for discussing the events in my life during my military experience, thing's seen, done, remembered, etc. Unless someone has undergone these acts, it makes it difficult for them to relate when one is trying to express the emotions, feelings of, and rememberance of these actions. I have never really opened up to anyone, my family, close friends, even to other Veterans, seems I have just packed away all thoughts and memories of issues. I know it is not healthy, psychologically, emotionally, and even physically. I use to deal with others in this situation as a psych specialist and corpsman and know the benefits and hazards of these actions. Case in point Ft. Hood... a psychologist at that...anyway....

I don't know if it is fear of reprecutions of family and friends, the inability to rectify ones actions, an assumed negative response or whatever the case may be, but I just never seem to be able to connect on the level I would like to with them regarding past experiences. It is dificult to maintain on a level when so much wants to be released but remains bottled up and shrouded in mystery. Maybe not knowing the manner in which to approach the subject, maybe not knowing what the reaction of someone so close will be, there are many factors that may come into play when dealing with this subject, and not wanting to risk exposure or vulnerability to the emotional side of things. Maybe a wrong assumption that if you weren't there one wouldn't understand... I don't know the answer...

I have spent the better part of the past two weeks basically in a fog of emotional turmoil. Euphoric, depressed, attatched, seperated, the whole gambet...Normally I would attribute these issues with SAD, (Seasonal Affective Disorder) but when accompanied with emotional turbulance regarding actions and memories I cannot say with a resounding conclusion it is just SAD.

So I have classified this as Emotional Diahrea...maybe I am cleansing myself in a manner in which only I can...maybe I am finally able to release what I need to in a manner in which nobody really gets to hear actual word and thoughts. I also assume there is some guilt in there as well, well actually I know there is feelings and thoughts of guilt accompanying this whole process.

I have basically crawled into my hole and brewed for a couple weeks..Reflection on my past...

Anyway.. Hoping to snap out of it soon... Hope you all have had a great couple weeks yourselves..

I. Thou shalt love and honor the Earth for it blesses thy life and governs thy survival.

II. Thou shalt keep each day sacred to the Earth and celebrate the turning of its seasons.

III. Thou shalt not hold thyself above other living things nor drive them to extinction.

IV. Thou shalt give thanks for thy food, to creatures and plants that nourish thee.

V. Though shalt educate thy offspring for multitudes of people are a blessing unto the Earth when we live in harmony.

VI. Thou shalt not kill, nor waste Earths riches upon weapons of war.

VII. Thou shalt not pursue profit at the Earths expense but strive to restore its damaged majesty.

VIII. Thou shalt not hide from thyself or others the consequences of thy actions upon the Earth.

IX. Thou shalt not steal from future generations by impoverishing or poisoning the Earth.

X. Thou shalt consume material goods in moderation so all may share the Earth's bounty.